I seem to be suffering from insomnia these few days. No wonder my friend told me that my dark eye circles are more prominent now. I thought she was just joking. But it was otherwise.

I am generally a thinker. I think about everyday things. I think about the past. I think about the future. I think about things that make my mind boggle and make me think more and more. In short, my mind never sleeps. Only when I sleep, technically, literally. That is when I don’t have a dream.

I have been told before that I think too much and quite unnecessarily. But I find that it is not easy for me to change in a matter of days for something that has been my norm for so many years. I realized that I’m a “thinker” since I was in primary school. I am now 20 years old. Hmm, how long have I been a “thinker”? Quite long, I guess.

There was this patient I took care of in the ward I’m working in now. She had just undergone IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and suffers from quite bad medical condition such as ascites (fluid accumulation in the stomach region, medically called peritoneum). But at the same time she also suffers from dehydration because of the IVF. To make things worse, her husband is not the caring type, not one who stays by her side at all time throughout her predicament. My heart really goes out to her.

This got my mind working again. What if I cannot conceive normally in the future when I plan to have a child? Will me and my future husband afford to pay for an IVF which costs roughly RM 25 K? Will my husband stand by me through thick and thin? Will I even get married in the future? The list goes on and on.

It really baffles me to what humans do. Those who yearn to have babies pay so much for one but those who do not want babies find ways and means to abort them. This world is really unbecoming. Sometimes I wonder why God doesn’t create and give everyone the same – fair and square. But this got me thinking, everyone is indeed same, in the eyes of God. It is up to the individual’s angle of view – his or her perspective of life that decides how he or she wants to lead his or her life.

Now that is some food for thought.